Can i not drive my cunt home
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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