So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
