; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
