Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
