If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
