we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
