The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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