So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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