just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
