his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
In America we eat man semen.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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