I bet he comes in French.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
