hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
