Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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