Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
