either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
