Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize