I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
