you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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