i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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