Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
