Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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