Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
