I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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