I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
