i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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