sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
