There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize