She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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