tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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