quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
