Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
