i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
