you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize