I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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