My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
