my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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