The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
