Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I forget how to act sober
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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