just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
