Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I will pee on everything he values.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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