He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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