Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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