Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
