dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
