I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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