too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
