try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Semen is not good for contacts.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
