No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
