when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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