this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You don't make any sense
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