I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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