Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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