evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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