Im at strip club and am horny
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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