Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
