Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize