I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
