we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
