So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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