My friends, they love my intelligence
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize