When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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