Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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