I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
