i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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