my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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