Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
