You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We had sex on a dog bed..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
