It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
