..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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