I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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