This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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