I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
