The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
